Photo by Joe Dudeck on Unsplash
No one knows the hiding spot where I go when there’s too much noise, like Dad yelling at Mom or Jimmy playing rap too loud or Walter mowing the meadow, because loud noises make my heart pound fast, and my head feel heavy.
I wasn’t wedged between hay bales two nights ago after dinner when Jimmy and the new boy from down the road went into the stall below me, and I didn’t hear the new boy say it was his first time or Jimmy say everyone has a first time, or feel the wall I was leaning on shake over and over, or freeze in place until long after they’d left.
Our Papa preaches at New Word Presbyterian: “God will smite sinners,” he yells and pounds his fist on the pulpit, “like liars, murderers and thieves, and teenage boys that put body parts where they don’t belong.” He says, “Silence is the easy path and leads to Hell”
I don’t want to go to Hell, or to make Mom cry, or for Jimmy to beat the shit out of me. But mostly I want to believe in a God that wouldn’t make me choose.
Sally Simon (ze/hir) lives in upstate New York. Hir writing has appeared in various literary magazines, and hir debut novel, Before We Move On, was published in 2024. When not writing, ze travels the world. Read more at www.sallysimonwriter.com.
